Mom told me that anyone who steals all that a man has is heartless and not to be trusted. Then she added that if she ever caught any of us steal a penny,that ‘that day the person would be one finger-less’. I didn’t know why she repeated those long sermons from time to time, but whatever her reasons were,it stuck to the back of our minds. Her lessons were like buildings on a virgin street. I had witnessed its birth and its completion. I knew when each of them had appeared, each unique in its own,except for one thing-they were all roofed with the same material and that was obedience. Then it was a lot easier. Life was pretty straightforward. We did what Dad or Mom or the priest said was right.There were no conflicts in their teachings and if there was a few, our young and innocent minds totally missed it.
It’s been more than a decade and half since those early days, and a lot of things now strive to pull the roofs off those houses in that lovely street. I now have a much stronger and conscious will. A WILL that now does not totally conform to the Obedience that it was thought; certainly not because of foolhardiness, but because of the complexities it finds itself intertwined with-the ambiguities of our daily lives, the intricasies which I can best explain with the last four months of my life(and of many others who tow the same path)
From very quotidian days to rigorously planned and regimented days our lives had come to know, but it never prepared us enough for what was about to come. We were about to face the toughest test of our lives yet; because of the Sui generisty of everyone’s tale let me divulge solely into mine which I can perfectly relate to. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** The days were inundated with studying, the nights with coffee, little sleep and more studying. This was on for days without end. The weekends approached with a little succour, well maybe because of the extra sleeping hours to savour. The weeks had dragged on,slowly and lazily,and every week that passed left its own scar. One morning I wake up totally tired, wondering if am just to stressed out or down with malaria ‘the second time in a month!’. In this state of confusion my mind goes into a dilemma. I start to contemplate who am to obey…should I obey Mom she said ‘I should always take it easy’,…and then my body aches and all I can hear it scream is ‘I have had enough’.. Should I obey the priest who says ‘never kill yourself over the things of this earth and always know that……….. As I drifted out of this state resolving to trust and obey my inner self, my instincts and convictions, I looked back on the advices I was given and saw that neglecting them had meant disobedience. And what if it meant disobedience but still yielded positive results. Does it mean disobeying sometimes is not bad after all. The answers are choices for us to make. In the end I believe we are the creators of our actions but not the sole judges and that whatever we choose to obey or disobey should be aligned to reaching a just cause.
Now I lie on my bed reminiscing;the scars of yesterday have turned into beautifully engraved tatoos; the roofs of those houses have a new coating which is will-the ability to choose your actions. There’s a nostalgic air to it.
Am about to sleep and as I turn to the side to rest my aching back ,the masters call on me again,’sighs’…and request that I begin work soonest. It seems I am drifting; am I entering into this dilemma again?. The just cause is once again clear to me… But would I reach it by obeying or disobeying?. It is reasonable to me when the masters demand to take… But do they have to take it all?
My mind is rebelling reason; with all of these questions going through my head it is getting confusing and “I am not understanding”.